The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse

I had the opportunity to review ‘The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse’ by Art and Laraine Bennett from the Catholic Company.

This book highlights the four temperaments originally coined by Hippocrates some 2000 years ago. The four temperaments: choleric, melancholic, sanguine, and phlegmatic all provide insight into your spouse’s best and worst qualities!

“The ability to appreciate other people’s temperaments is especially important in marriage, because opposite temperaments seem to attract each other…” p. 13

“But what initially attracts can also soon become a source of irritation.” p. 13

WHAT UP!! DID THEY WRITE THIS BOOK FOR ME?

“Temperament affects not only our deepest emotional needs, but also our moods, the way we think and communicate, and even the way we pray. Since marriage is a sacrament, designed to lead spouses to Heaven, temperament’s influence on prayer and the spiritual life cannot be ignored.” p. 15

The choleric spouse is passionate, the melancholic spouse is reticent and doleful, the sanguine spouse is eager and optimistic, and the phlegmatic is calm. After careful analysis of my husband and I we have found that he is choleric and I am sanguine.

Case in point:

“The choleric in love may be suave, fascinating, talkative, attentive, and affectionate- whatever it takes- to win his heart’s desire.” TOTALLY ANTHONY! Ask any of my girlfriends….. Ant was on it! When we were dating he was the perfect boyfriend…..

“Once married, though, a choleric’s priorities may shift- since he will have achieved his goal- and he’ll turn the same energy toward earning a living, raising a family, or keeping up a house.” p. 22

HELLO?!! My husband started medical school a month after we got married and wow did everything change…. All his efforts have turned toward medicine and furthering his career as a physician. Granted the medical field will suck the life out of you anyway…. I digress….

“Choleric’s struggle with the emotional realm: because they are so goal oriented, so capable of fixing their minds and wills on a goal, turning out all distractions and ignoring their own feelings in order to attain it, they tend to put emotion on the back burner. This can make them seem cold, distant, or unaffectionate.” p. 22-23

This one really got to me…. Anthony chose the Emergency Department as his specialty for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is that he can see patients in a quick and efficient manner without having to really sit down and get personal. This was just something that he preferred versus a pediatrician or a family practitioner. I write this to show that Anthony is so choleric! And really for a long time I just thought he was insensitive!

The book explains each temperaments relationship to prayer, parenting and being able to love. As the wife of a choleric it provides me with insight to why my husband may react a certain way to things. And how true that things that were at one time endearing are now straight up annoying! Harsh? Naw, way true….


The latter chapters in the book go into detail about specific temperament relationships. So, there is an entire chapter devoted to Anthony the choleric and my sanguine temperament and how they work together…. Or how they do not work together.


I really enjoyed learning more about our personality traits and how they affect how Anthony and I operate relationally. It softened my heart to different things that I have found frustrating and allowed God to open my eyes to his 'personality'. Granted we are still a work in progress I know we will be referencing this book for many years to come.



You can buy it through the Catholic Company found here. God bless!